Monday, March 16, 2009

I'm a bit peeved

Rosie found some old video cassettes over the weekend. They were about eleven years old.

Watching videos of ARG when he was almost two just about broke my heart. I miss that little guy! He was the light of my life. And where is he? Gone. Forever.

I know, I know. He grew up into a super special, intelligent, funny, ginormous almost teenager. Who wants to play first person shooters. Who loves military strategy. Who argues with strangers on gaming forums about politics. I know - THIS guy is special and lovable too.

But he's not my little two year old ARG! That little guy has vanished. And it's not fair. I know I'm crazy to say this, but I'm a little miffed with the Big Guy Upstairs about all this. It is rough for a mommy to lose her little one. Yes, it was gradual. Yes, I was there the whole time. Yes, I didn't really lose him (God forbid). But in a way, I did lose him.

The little guy who said, "Me want mo miwk" and sang "Finkwul funkwul wittwul staw" has disappeared. Now he only exists on video tape. And in my memory. That hurts! And seems like a lot to ask of mommies.

I wish I could spend one more day with that little guy. But even thinking that makes my heart wring up and cringe from the hurt.

Saying goodbye is so hard for me.

How am I ever going to manage sending him off to college?


ARG said...

Yes my is!