Time Time Time

Look what's become of me....

That song keeps going around in my head.

I am frantic. I am busy (and not in the "I am important and valuable because I am busy" way). I have so much going on in my head all the time. Sometimes I want to take a pill that will let my brain relax (darn all those side effects!)

With ARG taking a class at College of San Mateo three days a week, plus fencing 4 times a week over the hill - I am driving way too much. My poor neck is killing me. And both kids are taking a phone class - Rosie's is at 8am in the morning! Oy! I am ashamed to say that I struggle to wake up by then. Because I've been awake while Hubby gets ready at 6am, and then I fall back asleep. So from the very start of the day it's rush, rush, rush.

I am starting to look back so fondly on the days when I would read to the kids on the couch for hours! I'm not doing it! I'm so lame! Poor MiniMe is not getting what the other two got. It's killing me. Well, maybe not killing, but it makes me sad and a bit ashamed. I need to read to her more than anything, and I just can't seem to make it happen.

When I sit down with her to read, invariably one of the other kids asks for help with math or an essay. I try to put them off for a while, but they just sit there wasting time until I come. So I end up interrupting my reading time with MiniMe. Sigh.

And I confess, that it is way more stimulating and interesting for me to help ARG with high school level work than to teach phonics and place value for the third time. And when he really needs help in a class where he's getting a grade, I feel that takes priority. And Rosie is such a sweetie that I just write out assignments and tell her to go do them. And she does. I'm not reading enough to her either.

I used to be able to read to both ARG and Rosie, but it is almost impossible to read to Rosie and MiniMe, as they are 5 years apart. Too boring for one, or incomprehensible to the other.

Today I realized a book I've been trying to read to them is overdue. I've renewed it twice already. And it is a small book. In years past I would've finished that book in three or four days. Not three or four weeks. Heavy sigh.

I suppose I need a plan. I suppose I ought to get more organized. But every day is different! Some days the big kids are more independent. Others they need me for hours. Ugh.

I know I am moaning and groaning about a job I have chosen. But I still need to moan and groan from time to time.