Friday, December 7, 2007

Holiday Work Party

Every year I am obliged to accompany my husband to the annual work holiday party.

Now, we have seen some hum-dingers, real blow-outs. Back in the day (can you say 90's?) we went to one party hosted by AMD that was at a huge tent / building in SF. There were dancers, acrobats, people in costume, live statues. The food stations were gargantuan. Whole BUCKETS of jumbo shrimp were dumped onto platters and consumed by engineers and their partners. There was even a live concert that night, I think it was Rod Stewart. The whole thing reeked of decadence.

Since then, we have come down a notch or two. One year I wasn't even allowed to go to his work party. It was employees only - bused up to a bar in the city - no meal, mind you, just drinks and hors d'oeurves. I wasn't too sad to miss that one.

For the last three years my better half has been working at a small "shop" in the city for an online game and indie movie company. Most people who work there are what I call "tragically hip". They are either 1). gay 2.) transgender 3.) super artistic 4). young. My hubbie Joe probably qualifies for number 3, but he doesn't look like it on the outside.

So, the holiday parties for this small company (which sadly just got bought by evil, mammoth entertainment company) have been at super cool spots and always with a theme. Yes, a theme.

The first year we went the theme was hats and headware. One guy dressed up head to foot in a white suit and top hat as Mark Twain. Marie Antoinette was there, hair and all. Many fun wigs were to be found at that one. I put butterfly clips all over my hair - weak but still in the theme.

Last year the theme was ties. I don't believe either of us participated in the theme festivities. I mean, come on. A tie? for a straight woman? Though one girl wore a backless dress with a tie on backwards. She was hot so she could pull it off.

This year....wait for it....the super creative, excitement inducing theme for the holiday party is.....RED. Snore. So... I had some red in my top. Joe got a cool Jerry Garcia red tie at Ross Dress for Less and we were good to go.

Anyone who knows me knows that dressing up, going to a party where I know NO ONE and trying to mingle, make small talk, not embarrass my husband all while a DJ plays deafening house music is not exactly my cup of tea. But duty calls you know? Flowing margaritas help.

I actually did remember one guy from last year who liked me for some reason. I think because I speak Spanish. And I seem to get more and more fluent as the night goes on, if you know what I mean. We had a nice chat in spanish and I asked him all about how he knew he was gay. It was great.

Then I had a lengthy conversation with the guy (I learned later) is my honey's arch-nemesis. Joe is actually trying to get this guy fired, and he knows it. Yikes. And there I was, blabbing away about kids and whatever. Cringe.

One very nice young man talked with me for some time, all about his girlfriend who works at the company, and is at the party, but he can't acknowledge because she doesn't want anyone to know. I checked her out and sent her "you are crazy" vibes, because her beau was very cute. But I totally blew it by asking him how old he was twice. Doh! The second time he said,
"31. And you are 39 and have three kids and stay at home. I know." Double cringe.

One strange thing I kept noticing; Joe and I would approach and converse with a couple or small group of people, and after a while (who can conceive of time at this point) they walk off. Ditch us (as I would put it). Joe says it is normal, that everyone is trying to mingle and talk with everyone else.

Joe and I tied for the Most Embarrassing Moment Award.

Joe's story: We are sitting in a booth with a very nice young couple talking about who knows what. Joe is struggling to open up a lobster tail and pry the meat out. All of a sudden - FOOM - the tail explodes all over Joe and the lady next to him. Oops!

Sue's story: We are sitting with another couple, one of whom is a lady Joe manages. I am pacing myself, drinking a bottle of water in between each drink. I chug my water,! I convulsively cough while trying to keep my mouthful of water IN my mouth. Pretty soon I lose the battle and - SPLOOSH - out it goes all over my pants and the couch next to me. Joe's lady was very nice and empathetic. Hopefully she was the only one who saw. Joe didn't notice, so I can hope that no one else did.

On the positive side, we did dance. I can't help it. If I have any amount of alcohol in me and there is a beat playing. I have to move. Really. I can't stop myself. So we had fun boogeying. But actually I don't think I can call it that, because there was no disco! The DJ was totally stuck in the 90's. Rapping and heavy beats. That was about it. When I requested KC and the Sunshine Band, they didn't even have it! Puleeze! Even young people can enjoy disco. It's true. Next year, I am getting Joe to have a talk with the HR lady who plans this thing, and get a DJ who plays disco.

Joe and I both agreed that not only did the music completely stink, but it was SOOOOO LOOOUUUDDDD!!! Our secret code for deciding to leave was me leaning into Joe's ear and screaming,
"WANT TO GO????"

And so, we made our departure. Wonder what the theme will be next year?


Anonymous said...

haahaaa hohoho.